Internetz with Moms - MP3

The internet lessons continue. My mom is now learning how to download her "messages" (ie mp3s) from the internets (as she calls the internet). Unfortunately the wireless router which I have bought for our house seems to suck ass and keeps going in and out, this causes problems on many fronts. Last night's mp3 lessons with mom.

"Es-uh-duh! I think I have a beye-lus."

"Mom, why do you think you have a virus?"

"The computer told me so."

"Okay. Let me check." She did not have a virus. What she had was windows telling her she had no virus software running. My mom is terrified of viruses right now and believes that your computer can "catch" viruses from the internets. "Mom. You don't have a virus. Don't worry."

"Okay. Can you show me how to download my messages?"

"Sure mom, no problem." I then started showing her and downloading her mp3s. Everything was great until the internet went out.

"Es-uh-duh!! The internets is broken. It no let me finish getting messages."

"Sorry mom the wireless antenae keeps dying. I'll fix it."

"Do you think maybe it's to late? Is the internets off or closed?"

"Uh. No mom. The internet doesn't really turn off or close. I'll fix it don't worry." I love my mom. You take for granted certain knowledge. I mean seriously, I'm so use to the idea and concept of the internet that I don't think of things like "would the internet close, does the internet have a bed time."

yup yup. Gotta love moms. I may be teaching her about the internets but she's teaching me about checking my perceptions of reality.

Compliments shmompliments

Alright I will be the first to admit that I suck at receiving compliments. In fact, people that know me well know that usually the best and quickest method for raising my suspicion of you is to compliment me. I think it's part of the fat kid syndrome.

What is the fat kid syndrome you ask? Well that is when you grow up being fat and then suddenly end up losing weight. Suddenly you are being complimented on your physical appearance and that just ticks you off. For me this is a twofold problem that would take to long to go into and seriously I just need a therapist to get over my issues. In fact, I think I need a therapist in order to say I have issues because only therapists are qualified (along with psychiatrist and psychologists) to say you have issues. Otherwise you just have problems and are mental. Sooo... let's just forget about my mental problems for now and focus on compliments.

Yeah, I suck at receiving compliments, usually I believe that people have alterior motives for giving compliments so when a person compliments me I instantly raise my hackles. Why you ask? Well it's simple. People give me really fucked up compliments.

My top three favorites:

1. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Sandra Oh?
First off, my usual automatic thought is to say "Oh, is that because we all look alike?" I almost never say this. Then my second thought is, funny when Lucy Liu was popular everyone said I look like her. I guess I should be happy that people don't say I look like Jackie Chan or Jet Li, although it would be totally awesome if someone said I kicked ass like them. Now THAT would be a compliment.

2. Did you know I use to have a crush on, now look at you.
Or some variation of the above. Dude, that is so not a compliment. I've heard this from several different people and I don't even know what to think. So first off, is it like you need to tell me that for a reason? Was it to say a) you use to look good, or b) I've outgrown you, or c) WTF mate? Yeah. I'm not sure what this is suppose to mean.

3. Have you lost weight? OR It looks like you've lost weight.
Now some girls love this compliment. Me, personally, I loathe this one. I know I'm not a big girl, I know I'm not fat. So why the fuck do you feel the need to tell me I've lost weight? Have I been bitching at you about how I'm on a diete? Have I been bitching at you about how I don't fit into my pants? If the answer is no to any of these questions then please don't tell me this. Seriously, if I want a compliment I'll solicit it. I have no shame in that manner.

Seriously, okay, so maybe these aren't compliments that are bad, and most likely it's my own little self conscious gnome going all ghetto with my ego. I think people don't know how to compliment anymore. I'd rather be complimented on my intelligence or serious ass kicking ability than my looks any day. But then again it's probably my fat kid syndrome talking.

MUHAHAHA (man evil cackle loses something in translation onto the webernation.)

People Skillz

I had a very interesting/kind of funny conversation today with a classmate.

Classmate: Hey has anyone ever told you that you're kind of scary?

Me: No. Why do you say that?

Classmate: It's just that I've talked with people and some say that you're kind of scary.

Me: Why? Are you scared of me?

Classmate: Me? No. I'm just saying sometimes you are.

Me: Why? Do I say scary things or do scary things? Am I physically intimidating?

Classmate: No. I mean you're all small and stuff because you're Asian. And you don't really talk that much unless someone comes and talks to you. It's just sometimes you have this look in your eyes.

Me: What look?

Classmate: Just this look. If someone says something stupid you give them this look like you're going to either eat them or punch them or something. It's kind of scary.

Me: What? I'm not scary. You're not scared of me right?

Classmate: No. Not me, just some people. You know. Sometimes you just give this look.

Me: Well then don't say anything stupid and I wont give you that look.

Classmate: To late you're already giving me that look. Don't punch me!

Me: (smack) too late, you did say something stupid.

Classmate: See..you are scary.

Me: No. I'm not scary I'm just abusive.

Classmate: Oh right. Okay, you're not scary. Hey Esther has anyone ever told you that you're abusive?

Me: No. I don't leave marks so you can't press charges and I'm small since I'm Asian so no one would believe you.

Classmate: Never mind. Remind me to walk arm's distance from you and not to say anything stupid anymore.

Me: Okay.

Classmate: cool.

Me: See...not scary or abusive.

Classmate: I'm just going to stop talking now.

Me: Cool.

Everyone should have one

Wife said the funniest thing this weekend. "I wish I had a J."

Now for you unfortunate enough to not have a J I'll explain. J is my big sister. She's pretty much the best sister you can have. Everyone really should have one. I don't know how people survive without one.

These are the reasons why Julies are great:

1. When you're napping they get mad and stuff your dirty socks in your mouth.
2. They tell you to do their laundry. But in exchange they clean your room.
3. They buy you drinks, makeup, and bring you clothes.
4. They put said makeup on you and make you look all perty.
5. They tell you what to wear so you look like a girl.
6. They pat you on the head when you're bummed and smack you when you're really sad and tell you to get over it.
7. They let you call them anytime to bitch and then tell you that you have nothing to bitch about and to get over it.
8. They are willing to fly at a moments notice up from LA if you need them.
9. They don't ever have to like you but they always love you because they know blood is stronger than anything else in the world.
10. They are always on your side even when they know you're not right, but they'll never not be on your side in public. They'll just wait until you're in private before they kick your butt.

There are so many reasons why J's are great. Everyone should have one. You can't have mine but you really should go get one.

The only bad thing is that they come and do all these things and then have to go back to their own lives. poop.

I have the bestest sister even if she's not really funny and likes to stuff dirty socks in my mouth.

Life's Disappointments

I have a secret guilty pleasure and addiction. I think it's okay though because it's genetically ingrained in me. I'm addicted to Hello Kitty paraphenalia.

Yes, my name is E and I'm a Hello Kitty addict.

I bought myself a new eraser in celebration of me getting through 2 weeks at CAL. I even paid the extra $1 for the stupid Hello Kitty logo. I get home all ready to use my new eraser when I open the package DISSAPOINTMENT!!

1) No Hello Kitty icon anywhere on the eraser. What is this bullshit I pay for icon and name recognition!! Not for some plain damn eraser. AND more importantly!!!!

2) NO HELLO KITTY SMELL!!!! For those not in the know most Hello Kitty swag usually has a very distinct fruity smell. No FREAKING SMELL on my damn eraser. Feel so jipped!! Dang nabbin!

How am I suppose to have intellectual moments of genius without the proper equipment. *sigh* So, now I'm just using my stupid overpriced non smelling no icon having stupid eraser.

Sometimes life gives you erasers and all you can do with it is erase shit. Damnit, that sucks!

How to Make New Friends

I have a paper due tomorrow. BEFORE ANYONE GIVES ME SHIT FOR WRITING THIS BLOG I have finished writing it I'm waiting on a classmate to review it and give me feedback so just lump it.

Now back to my blog. I have met a really cool new guy named J. Just a friend, he's got a girlfriend and a baby and seriously, I have no patience for anything like that. So that being said. I realized that while walking to Shattuck from campus that J and I are now truly friends. Why, you ask, and how you ask.

Simple. We've started talking about our bowel movements. I told Joaquin that it freaks people out how much Wife, Hy and I know about each others poop schedule. So today J finally told me that the pizza we had eaten for lunch was fucking up his intestines and he wasn't sure if he needed to poop or fart. I started laughing. J has now joined the cult of poop without even knowing it.

Yeah anyone you can talk about bowel movements with is a friend of mine. Now back to my paper.