Asian Mom Love

Today is quite possibly one of the most perfect days in the world.

This morning when I was walking to school the skies opened up and it started raining cats and dogs. I had an umbrella but walking in the rain having it pour over my head and soak me felt so incredibly cleansing. AND one of my favorite songs in the world "Bizarre Love Triangle" was playing on the radio.

I went to my first discussion section and actually understood the material (thank god for once). I got my weekly paper back. This is the most traumatizing day of the week for me usually. This has become a routine where at the end of my discussion section I get this nauseous feeling in the bottom of my stomach and don't want to look at the grade on my paper because what I think I'm going to get is never what I actually get. I looked at my grade. "A-" FUCK YEAH!! I finally broke the damn B+ plane!!!!!!!

I sent out a mass text to everyone. Yes, I'm an insecure little twat and need reaffirmation and a pat on the head and back. I called my mom to tell her I finally got an "A" on a paper.

This is the best part, my momz.

Me: "Hey Mom."

Mom: "Why are you calling? Are you okay, are you in trouble? Shouldn't you be in school?"

Me: "It's E. I'm at school. I'm not in trouble. You know those weekly papers I write for class?"

Mom: "Yes."

Me: "I FINALLY GOT AN A!!!"

Mom: "Good. I knew you could. You know if you don't get an 'A' it's because of your thinking. Me and your dad pray for you all the time. God wants you get an 'A' and become a 21st century misisonary. The least you can do is get an 'A.'"

Me: "Yeah mom. I know. I just wanted to call you to tell you about my grade."

Mom: "See now you got one 'A' so now you get all A's"

Me: "Um... I don't think so. But I just wanted to call and tell you."

Mom: "See, again denying god's will."

I love Asian mom love. It's never, great, good job, it's like, well obviously you did this so you should do this again and it's your fault you didn't do it in the first place. I know she's being supportive it's just funny. If I wasn't thick skinned I'd be crying. My mom is wonderful. I know she's being supportive in the only way she knows how. Asian mom love is the toughest love you'll get.

My mom makes me laugh. Today has been an awesome day. I hope it rains some more.

How to Avoid Becoming a Crack Whore

I find myself in an interesting situation this morning. Wife is taking her Jazzercise test and audition today in Newark. I figured, "Hey I have to study. They must have a Starbucks and internet somehwere in Newark right? I'll just go with her to support her." So I find myself sitting at a Starbucks feeling like a kindergardner abandoned by their mother on the first day of school. I can't sit at the place where she's auditioning so she dropped me off at a Starbucks and went to her audtion.

The things we do for our friends. Last night she was freaking out (understandably so) about her task today. She asked me, "Why am I doing this again?"

Of course the first thing out of my mouth is, "To keep me from becoming a crack whore." Wife just kind of looked at me and then started laughing. Why? Because she already knew where I was going with my train of thought (this is the joy of having a wife who knows you that well.) Now my question to you is...would you know why I would answer the way I did?

Here is my train of logic: "So, the reason why you're becoming a Jazzercise instructor is because I'm in school. Since I'm so busy you need to do something also. AND since I'm a student I'm broke, so you need to supplement 'our' income. If you didn't do this then you'd be bored and have to much free time. If you had free time then you'd be calling me to go out. If you called then I'd want to go out. If I went out then I'd not study. If I didn't study then I'd fail out of CAL. If I fail out of CAL then I'd get kicked out of my parents house and have no degree and no place to live. If I didn't have that then I'd get depressed and not find a job. If I didn't have a job and no place to live and was depressed then I'd have to start smoking crack. If I started smoking crack I'd run out of money and wouldn't be able to keep a real job so I'd have to become a whore. So in the long run I'd become a crack whore. So really, you're becoming a Jazzercise instructor so I don't become a crack whore."

By this time Wife was almost tearing up from laughing. Not only did she know the train of logic she agreed, obviously, yes, she was becoming a Jazzercise instructor to keep me from becoming a crack whore.

One of her trainers told her that she needed to figure out something to think about while audtioning that would make her smile. What is she going to be thinking about when she gets nervous? "I can't fail. Otherwise E will become a crack whore. And she doesn't want to do that because she wouldn't be a very good one. So really she'd just be a whore because she wouldn't be making enough money to buy crack. And I don't want her to be a bad whore." I mean let's be honest, nothing worse in the world than a bad whore right. I mean seriously, what's more pathetic than a person that can't even make it as a crack whore.

So some people asked me why in the world would I sit in Newark at a Starbucks for four hours just to support my friend. My answer is because she's becoming a Jazzercise instructor so I don't become a crack whore, this is the least I can do right?

So Cute I just Vomitted

So incredibly cute!!!

Yesterday I was walking into the house. My mom and dad didn't know I was home yet.

My mom was singing to herself while washing dishes. She sings all the time. Some of my earliest memories are of my mom singing. The sound of her voice I now find is a better form of valium than anything else in the natural or unnatural world. Her singing soothes my soul in so many ways that it breaks and heals things that I don't even know need healing. However, this is not the point of my blog.

So...I see my mom singing and washing dishes in the kitchen. My dad has just come down from their room and is walking by her going towards the television room. While he's walking by her he pats her on the butt.

This is cute for so many reasons. Let me list the ways:

1. My parents are not demonstrative with their affection. (but now I see they are in private)
2. My dad is EX-pecially not demonstrative.
3. They were an arranged marriage but now they truly do love each other.
4. They're just freaking cute. (yes this is a reason)

yeah, so i just thought that was really cute and had to share this horribly cute moment with others or I'd have to vomit on myself from how sweet it was.

The moral of this story: go pat someone on the butt.