Mom Soup

So today at 7:30 my mom abandons me and my dad to go to Hell A for two months to take care of my niece (aka squeaky pirate). My mom thinks that me and my dad are going to not eat, shrivel up and die if she’s not around. Little does she know me and the pops have already conferenced. We decided that while she’s gone we’ll just survive off of chinese food, fried chicken and pizza (those are the three categories of food that both of us eat). I’m sure when my mom gets back from LA she’ll find two morbidly obese cholesterol laden fatsos but such is life.

In a preemptive attempt to keep me and my father from starving while she’s gone my mother has made literally 10-15 gallons of guess what? Oh yeah baby...soup!! She made soup in a pot big enough to boil a dead hooker in so you can imagine how much soup that is, and I’m talking about a healthy hooker, not one of those crack whores that are all skinny and only need a small pot. What was I typing again? Oh yeah, so she made about the equivalent of my body weight in soup and had me and the pops sit and taste test it for lunch.

I should have known something was up when she asked 5 times "so what do you think? Does it taste okay?" I was eating the soup and figured I couldn’t really complain since she went out of her way to make it. I did think it was a little off but figured I’d conference with dad about it later. I’m almost done with my soup when I start poking around in the soup and notice something floating abouts in it.

"Hey mom did you happen to put fish in the soup?"

"Uh...no. You don’t eat fish so I didn’t put fish in it."

"Then what’s this?" -- She’s totally busted I lift out a fish piece, skin and eyeball intact.

"That’s not fish. That’s uhmmm.... meat? Anyways you said you liked it. It’s all mental you and the no fish!"

"yeah mom, and you and the lying about the fish makes me more mental."

"Whatever you and your dad have to eat all the soup before I come back!"

So....now....me and the pops are stuck with 20 brazillion gallons of soup with random fish hiding in it. I think dad saw my look of disgust at the fish and said he’ll pick out the fish for me. But still...the soup will be tainted. *sigh* I know I’m a spoiled brat and that my mom loves me.

BUT FOR REALZ THOUGH!! NOT ONLY AM I EATING SOUP AND RICE ONLY FOR TWO MONTHS BUT ITS FISH SOUP!! Fck. Oh well. So if anyone wants to come over for soup, or if you’re sick, or if you like soup, or if you feel like wrestling and need some soup to wrestle in then drop me an email. I have soup coming out of my wahzoo.

I would offer rice also, but dad’s the only one that knows how to cook the rice on the high techie stove top (not a rice cooker that you plug in) rice cooker.

The moral of the blog. Soup and rice and hide the fish in the food. My mom may be leaving us for a while but she’s damn well leaving on her own terms!

Word = soup rice fish