Jebus lubs you

So on Wednesday I get a call while I'm at my internship...

[phone ringing]
Me: hey mom is everything okay? why are you calling.

Mom: Ebuhlee ting ok. What you do-eeing?

Me: I'm in class.

Mom: Where at?

Me: At school.

Mom: Oh. I at school to.

Me: What school?

Mom: Your school.

Me: [wtf?] Where on school?

Mom: At teluhglaph and bancropt.

Me: What are you doing at my school?

Mom: I'm with minister and church people showing minister tour of school. Did you eat lunch?

Me: Yeah mom I ate lunch.

Mom: Oh. I wanted to buy lunch. You have time to meet me? Show us alound?

Me: Um...I can meet you for a little bit. I'll be done with class at 3.

Mom: Okay. I call you then. You no want lunch? I buy you not soup.

Me: No mom not hungry.

Mom: Okay. If you have friends that are sick, or plofessors that want ask about god you bring them.

Me: [oh shit] Um... I don't have any sick friends and no teachers have asked about god.

Mom: Okay. But if you see sick friends or know people who want to ask about god bling them okay?

Me: [oh shit oh shit oh shit] Okay mom. Hey what are you doing on campus again?

Mom: We're teaching people about god.

Me: [AW FUCK!] Okay mom.

I go back to my internship. I get a call at 2:50, 2:55, 3:00. I answer it and tell moms that I'll meet her as soon as possible. I ask her where she is. She answers "Uh... where we at? oh, oh dwinelle." AW fuck!! Now some back ground. Dwinelle hall is where ALL if not most of my classes are, it is also where all of my professors have there offices. Dwinelle is also where a lot of students just hang out and chill. Dwinelle is also where there is a crazy taxi cab drive that likes to yell at people and blow whistles and yell about religious fanatics hangs out.

Scenarios Running Through My Head:
1. Mom is sitting with the minister and other church people not bothering anyone. (chances of this 0%)
2. The crazy man is yelling at mom and church people (75%)
3. Mom and crazy church people are trying to convert students (100%)
4. Mom and church people are getting arrested (10%)

After running these things through my head I decide I need to RUN to meet her and hope she's not getting arrested. The supervisor at my internship notices me frantically packing up my backpack and mumbling to myself.

Supervisor: What's up why are you in such a big rush.

Me: I think my mom might be getting arrested right now.

Supervisor: What?!

Me: Did I ever tell you that my parents are evangelist missionaries?

Supervisor: No.

Me: Well they are. And right now my mom is on campus trying to convert the heathens on campus. I'm hoping she's not getting arrested for bothering people.

Supervisor: Well... at least she's willing to stand up for what she believes in. I hope she's not getting arrested. Call me if you need a letter to get her out of jail.

Me: Thanks!

I run to meet my mom. When I see my mom I walk up to the following.

First of all my mom is wearing a blue plaid and checkered dress, (imagine if you will a homeless woman who is wearing a very nicely ironed dress, similar to that) my little oompa loompa of a mom is also wearing a bright red full face visor. What's a face visor you ask? Well, uhmm.. that ones a little harder to describe if you've never had the joy of seeing one. Basically imagine a visor that you would wear as a hat, now blow that up by 20, make it see through and then have it flip down in front of your face, I guess its sort of like what darth vader wore, except doesn't have the aerator. Yup, my mom's a definite fashionista. So, crazy lady ... I mean mom, is wearing a dress, face visor and sitting with a lady from her church and a minister from Korea.

We talked for a little bit and then I kept trying to run away. When mom asked me where I was going I told her to meet with a teacher, she asked if she could come along. Umm... yeah that's a definite negative mom. No offense but not really thinking that the professor wants to hear about jebus today. Finally I convince the crazy church people that I REALLY need to leave.

The final thing out of mom's mouth. "Okay.. you go, but first we play/pray for you." At this point I just give up. Who cares right? Fine let's hold hands, and bow our heads and pray. I'll just ignore the other students walking by wondering why the weird asian people are bowing their heads and mumbling, and why the hell is that lady dressed up like darth vader in drag? Oh oh oh yeah..... And having my classmates walk by trying not look at me (those classmates don't talk to me anymore in case you're wondering). So yeah. let's hold hands and play together.

*sigh* The only thing I can say at this point is. ... I love my mom.

Engrish Ressons. Sill-lah-bulls!!

So Moms is taking Engrish ressons to help her plonunciation.

She has a teacher that comes to our house every Monday at 2. After every lesson she gets a homework assignment.

Every Monday I sit with mom and do her homework. Uh... I mean "help" her with her homework. Let me tell you, that shit is hard!!

This weeks homework was to think up fruits/foods that had 1 syllable 2 syllable and up to 4 syllables in the word. 1-3 no problem. But seriously can any of you think of any 4 syllable words? The homework assignment gave us "asparagus" as an example. Once moms showed me her homework assignment we started rumaging through the kitchen cabinets looking at labels clapping our hands together and counting syllable. Yes, my house has turned into a visible looney bin. Dads helped. He started walking around the house and clapping his hands and looking at boxes and stuff. He didn't know why we were doing it but figured he'd help us with our insanity.

I think we found 2 words and then gave up. Although moms was very disappointed and told me I should look on the internets and find words.

The second portion of the homework assignment was to find countries of cities with 1-3 syllable names. Uh... wuh? 1 syllable is a bitch. I started googling and mapquesting trying to find cities. I figured out Chad. That's about it.

Moms got upset because she hadn't finished her homework and said I wasn't being supportive because I wasn't asking the internets for the answers to her homework. She also clarified to me that this was not considered "cheating" per say because she didn't really need to know the actual words, or come up with them on her own, she just needed to learn how to Plo-nown-see-ate duh wolds plop-uh-lee.

I think dads has decided to help moms out with her homework. She explained the concept of syllables to him so he's started walking around the house clapping while saying words. We had a little bit of an argument when we tried to explain that the words needed to be in Engrish and not in Korean, when my dad started telling us a bunch of fruit names in Koh-lee-an.

This whole learning enrigsh thing is starting to get to me I think. I've been finding myself clapping and counting syllables while in public (mostly talking to myself). I also am starting to plo-nun-see-ate like moms when I'm talking. Instead of her english accent getting better, my ENGRISH accent is getting more plo-nown-seh-duh.

*sigh* never going to win this battle. I wonder if I can get Moms' teacher to give her homework earlier so I don't have to do mom's homework and my homework on the same day.