The doctors Lie

Life has been a little hectic around the C household of late. On Monday my mom and I were heading to Kaiser to a doctor's appointment to see if she had a blood clot in her leg (she doesn't so everyone can calm down, many more mom stories are to come in the future). While we're heading to Kaiser her tire blows out, we're in the left (fast lane) on the freeway heading towards Oakland. My mom is at best a sub par driver, under stressful situations she becomes less than sub par. We threw on our hazards and then rolling at a scary 5 MPH we tried to get over.

PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES! No one would let us over so I had to stick my head out of the car and wave my hands like a maniac. Luckily I was far out enough of the window so that my mom couldn't hear me cussing out the people who wouldn't let us in (although she may have seen me flipping off people. Hopefully she doesn't know what the middle finger means?) Long story short, we got the car up and running and had to go home because we missed her appointment. We ended up rescheduling her appointment later that day.

SOOO... the whole point of the bloggity blog. We go to the doctor's office my mom gets measured. First of all my mom is hella HELLA SHORT!! If you've ever met my sister you know she's a midget...ummm... I mean petite. I like to call her my pocket asian (small enough to carry around in your pocket). Well if you've met my sister then you know she's about 5 inches ahem.. I mean 2 inches shorter than me (or so she claims) and hella skinnier than me (I'll be generous and say only 30 lbs lighter than me). So...yeah my mom she's hella shorter than my sister. Basically imagine an oompa loompa, take away the orange coloring, make it yellow (like an asian), put on lightly salt and peppered fro-ey hair and give that oompa loompa a Korean accent and you've just about got a description of my mom. what was I writing about? Oh yeah, so we're at the doctors and the nurse has to measure my mom's height.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE..... Nurse says she's 5 foot 1 and 3/4. MY ASS!! First of all my mom was trying to cheat from the get go she put her glasses on top of her head so that the beam would count the height of her glasses (add 2 inches), and secondly she was wearing her high rise 3 inch tall sneakers (trust me on this one, if they made stilleto sneakers with granny insoles than that's what my mom was wearing). My mom is thrilled to hear this news. She turns to me and says "see I tall." I pat her on her head (which I can obviously see the top of without any effort) and tell her "mom that's wrong." She says, "the nurse said so." I reply, "you were cheating and the nurse was being nice." The nurse was being nice, she knew my mom was cheating, my mom even did the whole trying to tiptoe while getting measured thing. Yeah... so now my mom thinks she hella tall.

I told my sister this and now she's all excited because if my mom is 5'1 and 3/4 then that makes my sister 5'3-5'5 in which case I've decided I'm 6 feet tall.

So in case ya'll are wondering I'm 6 feet, and my family is hella tall for their height.

ps I have insomnia so that's why the late night random blog. Mental diarrea onto a keyboard sometimes help me to turn off my brain.

pps The only thing people need to know is that when you think of mommy C think tall ass oompa loompa that lies. (oh and makes some bomb ass Korean bbq)