Workings of Dog

Keep in mind I love my dad and I'm not mad at him. My mom's moved to L.A. for two months to help my brother out with the new neice so I'm stepping up to help my dad out. I wrote this blog because I thought it was funny. Hopefully you will find it equally amusing.

Setting: Last Night around 5 p.m.

I come into my house and notice that the livingroom has beds laid out in it. "Hey Dad is someone staying over tonight?" (Oh shit please say it's not the ministers!!)

Dad: "Uh...yeah. I told you that a couple of days ago."

(Uh...no you didn't. If you did I would have found somewhere else to stay tonight!) "Oh I guess I forgot. What time are they coming?" (Please say hella late and leaving early!!)

Dad: "Not until 9 or 10. We're suppose to make them breakfast in the morning. What do you think bagels?"

(Hmm...by 'we' are we talking the royal me?) "Bagels are good Dad."

Dad: "What do you put on bagels?"

"Cream cheese Dad."

Dad: "Where would you find cream cheese?"

"At the grocery store."

Dad: "I know that. But where in the grocery store? Next to butter?"

"Yeah, next to butter."

Dad: "Okay so I'll get bagels and cream cheese. You'll make that tomorrow morning right?"

(Ahh...so it is the royal me) "Sure dad. Do you want me to make fruit salad for them?" (At least I can do that tonight and just put it out.)

Dad: "No they don't need fruit salad. It's too much trouble."

"Okay Dad. Um.. what time do they need to eat by?" (please say late please say late)

Dad: "Not until 8."

"Okay. I'll set my alarm for 7:30."

THE NEXT MORNING

Dad: "Esther wake up! You need to make bagels."

(WTF? The suns not up? What time is it? [looks at cell phone] Are you fucking kidding? 6:15 a.m.!!!!) "Okay dad I'm getting up." (Shit...do I need to put clothes on? Hmm...okay compromise keep Mickey Mouse sweatshirt on and put on pants. No, can't find underwear. They wont notice. Oh shit my hair is out of control. [lick hand and mom my hair down])

"Okay so just bagels right Dad?"

Dad: "No we have to make fruit salad to."

(But but but you said last night...fuck! I can't even open my eyes you want me to cut stuff with sharp knife?) "Okay Dad fruit salad." (Esther open your eyes retard cutting with your eyes closed is a bad idea. grumble grumble, fuck shit can't cuss. grind teeth. grind teeth.)

"Here dad. Toasted bagels, fruit salad, orange juice. Do you need anything else?"

Dad: "No."

"Okay, I'm going back to sleep."

Ministers must have known I was unhappy they didn't say anything to me and didn't even look at me. I guess the Mickey Mouse sweatshirt was too sexy?

Around 11 a.m. later that day........

Dad: "I talked with your mom. She said that Croissants, eggs and ham is easy to make. We'll make that tomorrow morning."

(WHAT??!! THEY'RE STAYING ANOTHER NIGHT??? Another royal "we" that means me) "Okay dad. That sounds good."

Ugh.. I love my dad he's the bomb. I just wish he'd stop royal we-ing me about making an "easy breakfast" that my mom "suggests" for "us" (which means me) to make in the morning 6 a.m. FUCK. Rinse and repeat tomorrow. The ministers better be leaving tomorrow or I'm giving them food poisoning!! I think god will understand and heal them.